When my friend said with frustration, “I hate food, my heart sank. I have been there. Fighting the push pull of trying to restrain myself from snacking and overindulging, punishing myself by either giving in or trying to restrict. My anxiety rises as I remember the girl I was who fought every day with what to eat, how much, and measuring my self worth by whether or not I exhibited control that day over the overshadowing, menacing presence of food. I hated food and the power it had over me.

If I was Bad that day then I truly was a bad human being and it could take me days to come out of the shadow of shame. I am a first child, and like many first born, I thrive on being good, being in control and not letting people down. My relationship with food was tied so much to my sense of self. I just needed to be Good.

We have to live with food.

We cannot simply say, I’m going to abstain in order to live a healthier life. Making peace with this relationship is not an easy task or a quick one. It can be al lifelong battle, lesson, work in progress. Ultimately the goal is to see food as a neutral, yet nourishing part of life. To enjoy without guilt. To indulge with healthy boundaries. To recognize the power of being able to make choices that affect every part of your body and mind! It’s actually incredibly exciting! I’m 52 now. It has taken me many years to come to this declaration.

I ask clients to record how they feel after eating certain things. How is your energy, mental clarity, mood. Which foods drain you and which fuel you? Which foods keep you full longer and which ones leave you hungry soon after? This is a powerful exercise to reconnect with intuitive eating. Starting to connect how your body reacts to the food you put in your mouth gets you back in the drivers seat and allows you to make smarter choices.

But I know it’s not that simple. So I also ask clients to recognize how they’re feeling emotionally before they eat. This check in is an opportunity to recognize why you’re eating and making certain choices, outside of physical hunger. Food is so often our go-to when some other part of us needs to be nourished. Or when we’re stressed, angry, depressed, lost, procrastinating, rebelling, tired, overwhelmed… the list goes on. I remember actually acknowledging at one point that I was eating to physically push the feelings down that were in my gut, the thoughts that were threatening to emerge, and that I could not handle at the time.

I don’t think you’re ever completely free from those complicating thoughts around food, but I am in a place where I am incredibly aware of how far I’ve come. I live in a place where I celebrate the food that I put in my body because I know the good that it does. I know my strength comes from this nourishment that enabled me give birth to three healthy children, to recover from hip surgery, to overcome a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation and today the way I nourish myself has me walking three weeks post a knee replacement. I am so so grateful for this body and so appreciative of the food I am able to provide it, in order to have the strength to continue to live this amazing life among the people I love.

Disclaimer: My favorite treats are frozen yogurt with sprinkles and challah that my parents bring every Sunday. I do not eat “perfectly” nor do I believe in that word. :) I just don’t want you to think that my joy of healthy eating precludes indulgences as well. Real Life.

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