My Revelation About Snacking + Shopping

I stood in front of the refrigerator so long that the buzzer started to sound the alert that I had left the door ajar. I know it’s open. I’m still standing here. I just have no idea what I want. It dawned on me that I wasn’t hungry. But I needed something. The something just wasn’t food. I was surprised by my own awareness and also by my ability to walk away. There are often times when I’ll walk into the pantry and start mindlessly snacking because I want something. I just don’t know what it is, so I’ll reach for one snack, then another, hoping I’ll feel satisfied. I rarely do in these moments.

Fast forward to an evening of browsing the internet, checking out the latests trends and sales and adding pictures to the wishlist shopping folder on my desktop. This isn’t unusual. I actually find it relaxing. But when I start to hit “complete order” a few too many times, I know that something’s off. What I’m really looking for is that initial adrenaline rush from making the purchase and then again when the package arrives several days later. Often these are the pieces I return because I didn’t really love them in the first place.

So I go back to the statement. “I just have no idea what I want… But I needed something.” The real question is what needs to be nourished? What am I missing that I feel the need to consume in both scenarios, the need to be filled by something outside of myself.

That day I walked away from the refrigerator I sat down to think about what was really going on. No, I wasn’t hungry. But I was feeling disconnected. I was missing my community. I was coming off of the intensity of working on the house day and in and day out and the sudden calm was actually creating an unfilled void. That moment of awareness, the first step in self love and self care is recognizing what is looking to be filled up? What is missing? The second step is asking, now what am I going to do about it?